Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
