corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
