I think i peed on brittanys purse
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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