TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
