just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
