Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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