isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
