Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
