she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
