new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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