I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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