You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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