Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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