Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
