Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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