you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize