my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
