And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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