I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
