Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
