dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
