apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
