we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
