Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
