So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize