Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
