YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
