How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
