do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
