Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm at about main and main street
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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