ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Still dying that you shit outside
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
