you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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