We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
