We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
