No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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