Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
