nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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