i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
