Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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