i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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