He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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