Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
