see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just google imaged poop.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
