her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
