when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
