I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize