I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize