I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
