you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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