the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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