Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
