Tell her she can't have a vagina
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
