Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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