so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
