Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
