Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
