I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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