aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
