Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
