so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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