her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
