How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
