he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
