I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
