you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
