he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
