At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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