KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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