Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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