when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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