everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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