omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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