An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
