i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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